CRISPY RAVER
An Ottawa raver died Thursday in what police are describing as a freak accident. The teenage party goer had left the venue of a dubstep event to relieve himself in a nearby patch of foliage when an overhead powerline snapped in half and swung into him. Investigators are uncertain as to what caused the powerline to break, but the impact of the line falling on the raver's neck was enough to kill him -- he was dead before he was fried.
You'd think a tragic death like this would be enough to keep the police busy, but as party goers realized what happened, they started to stream outside and gawk. One of these ravers, a 29 year old porn shop employee, made an inappropriate joke about crispy ravers being delicious, which was overheard by a friend of the deceased.
The comment sent the dead boy's chum into a furious rage. The kid picked a stick up off the ground and whacked the bad comedian right across the head, sending him flying into the ground, where he was then jumped on and pummeled by the boy.
Officers had to pull the distraught teen off of the porn peddler. The boy wasn't charged with an offense though, and the x-rated comedian apologized to him for his complete lack of social grace. Just when the teen seemed to be calming down, the older man then offered the kid a voucher for the porn shop he worked at. This offer upset the boy to no end, since he thought it trivialized what had just happened to his friend. He started yelling at him with renewed intensity, which prompted the officers to restrain the teen in the back of one of their cruisers. They released him after he had settled down, and by then the man who had antagonized him was long gone.
A funeral for the deceased has been set for next Friday, where no one is expected to make any jokes about crispy ravers.