MURDERER CALLS FOR MUSICAL HOLY WAR
Roger Leslie stabbed Rufus Cote after the two couldn't resolve their musical differences. "Rufus was all about indie music. When I couldn't get him to see what a genius Skrillex is, I decided I had to kill him," said Roger. "So I stabbed him fifty five times with a knife, then I set his body on fire, then I crushed his charred remains with a hammer. I think the only way to deal with people who don't like the same music you like is to kill them in a horrifying violent manner."
Many people agree with Roger's thinking. "People hate each other because they like different phone operating systems, different video game companies, different gods," said music critic Carls Noyeau. "Of course ravers are going to hate each other for liking different types of repetitive electronic sounds. And if they're going to hate each other over matters of taste, it's only logical that they should be true to their hatred, and start stabbing their musical opponents to death."
Not everyone is sure that psychotic murder is the right way to deal with these minor differences. "I think forming cliques that dehumanize and mock people who have different aesthetic sensibilities is a better alternative to killing," said Lea Turgeon. "Killing people might seem like a good idea in the short term, but think about how disastrous it'd be if everyone had the same taste in music? We wouldn't have any one to look down on anymore. I'm not in favour of brutally killing musical dissenters the way some members of the rave community are. I think, in the long term, killing our musical adversaries would be a mistake. Instead, I think we need to humiliate them until they want to kill themselves."
Roger disagrees. "Lea is a pacifist in a world that requires war. I might be going to jail for killing Rufus, but I'm doing God's work. Anyone who doesn't like dubstep should convert or die. I'm calling for a holy war on the musical infidels of the world. People need to learn that there's only one true music genre, and it's Dubstep, and Skrillex is its prophet."