Forget sex, drugs, and rock and roll — today’s party kids are all about modest clothing, chaste sexuality, and moral outrage. “Puritanism is the new rock and roll,” says social critic Bobby Beaudoin. “People are tired of crass sexuality, objectified women, of and easy sex. Today, people want high neck lines, long skirts, and if there’s going to be any sex, it should be after people sign consent forms in triplicate. Outrageous sexuality is out, repressive puritanism is in."

Event promoters have caught on and Montreal’s party scene may never be the same again. “We’re starting to implement strict dress codes,” says organizer Kyle Berlin. “We don’t want cleavage on the dance floor, we don’t want men ogling women, we don’t want any grinding or inappropriate behaviour. Right now, we’re working on creating a party environment that’s sober, sombre, and temperate. We’re taking modesty to the extreme, and it’s a lot more fun than you think."

Ravers agree. “I just went to a party where the music was never louder than a kitten’s mewling,” says 19 year old Concordia student Tifa Lockhart. “And it was the most fun i’ve ever had. No one was on drugs, everyone was dressed very modestly, there wasn’t an ounce of sexual tension or a moment of unsettling intensity. Instead, we just had a very quiet night of dancing that didn’t involve any physical contact whatsoever. It was just delightful."

Not everyone agrees. “I miss the old raves with their loud ass music and rooms full of girls dressed in skimpy outfits being creeped on by old men,” says Michael Cauldron. “Those were raw. They weren’t always pretty, but they sure as hell felt more human than these bland white bread parties being thrown by sex negative hipsters. I miss the vulgarity, I miss the sexual objectification, I miss the nasty old guys. I want raves to be grim and gritty again. When I go to one of these sanitized event, even when I don’t take any drugs it still feels like I’m on valium."

Tifa doesn’t see it that way. “Some people don’t see the fun in being chaste,” says Tifa. “But if they come to enough puritan parties, they’ll learn that sex is overrated, but hating sex is simply sublime."