Montreal is home to one of the largest population of neck beards in North America, and many of them are tired of being ostracized by the public. “Just because we’re socially awkward, terribly sexist, and thoroughly entitled doesn’t mean that we’re not good people,” says full time mountain dew drinker Perry Heinlich. “Neck beards are human beings of the full spectrum of human emotions, and that includes both love and compassion. Yes, we might be resentful of women and the men who sleep with them, but that’s only a small part of what we’re about."

Perry says that neck beards have a whole lot to offer the world, which is why he’s organizing Montreal’s very first Fedoracore party. “We want to turn the friend zone into the party zone,” says Perry. “We’re inviting all the m’ladies out to what promises to be the most incredible party of the year. We’re going to show them what it means to be romanced by a man of the internet. All those hours we’ve spent behind our computers have armed us with the skills we need to conquer hearts and open thighs."

Oddly enough, many women are lining up to attend. “I can’t wait to be party zoned,” says 19 year old Dawson student Trisha Beaver. “The idea of spending hours in a room full of lonely maladjusted men, men who spend their evenings writing angry screeds about how terrible women are, well that just really makes my eyes light straight up. I can tell that Fedoracore Parties are just the thing Montreal needs."