MAN DIVORCES WIFE AND ABANDONS CHILDREN TO BECOME RAVE PROMOTER

Eric Cartier, a 43 year old dentist from Pierrefonds, has divorced his wife and abandoned his children in order to pursue his life long ambition of becoming a rave promoter. “There’s no greater feeling in life than throwing an amazing party for a bunch of drug addled twenty something hipsters,” says Eric. “I’d rather help young people dance their ass off than raise my children or be a good husband. Being a family man is boring, but being the heart and soul of a dance party is never dull.”

Eric says he woke up one day, saw his wife’s face, and realize he hated her on a deep and primal level. “I just couldn’t bring myself to spend another damn minute with her. I was tired of being trapped in a suburban house, living a suburban life, drowning in suburban anxiety. It all felt so meaningless, so utterly unimportant. Instead, I remembered how much fun I used to have when I was 19 years old and high on MDMA, running away from the police after they stormed an illegal warehouse party. I actually enjoyed those fleeting moments of debauchery more than the years I spent raising my kids. How sad is that? The things society tell us we need to do to be happy actually made me miserable. That’s why I decided to become a rave promoter. I’m going back to the past, and I’m letting society know I won’t live by it’s rules anymore. I’m going to throw awesome parties, have sex with 18 year old girls, and do a shit ton of cocaine. That’s how I want to spend my life, and if that makes me a bad person, than so be it!”

Lisa Cartier, Eric’s wife, is devastated by his transformation. “I thought we had a happy life, but I guess I was wrong,” says Lisa. “I just hope no one makes my mistake -- never marry a raver, because they’ll never grow out of their desire to party. It’ll always be there, buried in the back of their brain, just waiting to escape. Ravers are physically and emotionally incapable of settling down. Sooner or later, they’ll go back to their old ways, and they’ll leave a trail of broken hearts in their wake.”