Le Sade, Montreal’s premier gothic nightclub, has released a press release declaring it is the first club in North America to be powered entirely by aborted babies. “We purchase human waste products from hospitals, and then incinerate that waste for energy,” says club owner Gregory Benoit. “We got the idea for aborted baby power from a recent student in England that showed many of their hospitals over there generate energy from dead foetuses. I asked myself if hospitals were doing it in the U.K, why couldn’t Le Sade do it in Montreal?”

Gregory says that turning dead babies into electricity really helps give a certain atmosphere to his nightclub. “Le Sade is dedicated to creating a dark and nihilistic atmosphere,” says Gregory. Now when people come to my club, they’ll know that it’s the ashes of the dead that are powering the speakers that are pumping out their favourite aggrotech beats, that the cinders of the unborn are what make the lights at Le Sade flicker. The dead are what make our club boom.”

Pro-life activists are horrified by the Le Sade’s existence, though they’re not surprised. Penny Goodweather, president of the Save Babies Not Whales Foundation, says it was only a matter of time before private enterprises began using dead babies for electricity. “Once public facilities like hospitals started using dead babies as a source of fuel, it was inevitable that businesses would follow their lead,” says Penny. “The government views human beings as cattle. That’s all we are to them. We’re just meat waiting for the butcher’s block. So-called pro-choice activists don’t realize that the culture of death that they champion will inevitably lead to their own dehumanization at the hand of massive bureaucracies that view human beings as resources to be managed for the rich and powerful.”