Event organizers for Montreal’s yearly Mange Ma Plotte rave extravaganza are scrambling to replace DJ Khalizino, their headlining act, after he failed to get on his flight out of South Africa over the weekend. “Khalizino hustled us,” says promoter Kaillou Unkoudepoin. “I don’t think he ever intended to get on that plane. He took our booking money and he ran like a dog.”

Kaillou says that although the situation wasn’t ideal, he and his partners have managed to find a replacement for the no-show DJ. “We were lucky to book Grasswhistle, an Amish dubstep genius from Vermont,” says Kaillou. “We understand that party goers are disappointed that Khalizino won’t be playing at our show, but we believe that Mange Ma Plotte will benefit far more from having an honest DJ play instead of a greedy thief. At the end of the day, Grasswhistle respects his audience, while the only thing Khalizino cares about is filthy lucre. Who do you want to entrust your raving experience with: someone who loves music or someone who loves money?”

This isn’t the first time a DJ who has hustled promoters out of their hard won cash says lawyer Randolph Goodings, a man who has built his career on rave related legal cases. “Promoters who don’t want to get cheated by their talent should put their payment in escrow. It’s common sense, especially when dealing wit DJs. Who trusts a DJ? No one does. They’re about as reliable as a whore on bath salts.”

DJ Grasswhistle agrees. “I’m completely irresponsible and so is every DJ I’ve ever met,” says the Amish dubstep genius. “If you put your trust in a DJ, you deserve what’s coming to you.”