A shocking report by The Urban Metrics Institute was released on Thursday that claims that over sixty five percent of recent female high school graduates supplement their income through cam girl shows. “Our jaws dropped when we started crunching the numbers,” says lead researcher Ray Nouvel. “We interviewed over five thousand 18 year old female high school graduates, and discovered that over three thousand of them have worked as cam girls at least once over the last twelve months. Those numbers are terrifying. This means that when you’re walking down the street, a majority of the young women you see are sex workers.”

The researchers are at a loss to explain why so many of these teenage girls have chosen to work in pornography. “The economy’s better than it’s been in quite some time, so money’s not the main culprit for this explosion in perversity and moral degeneracy,” says Ray. “Something else is at work. Is it the internet that’s shredding what’s left of female modesty? Are our schools becoming training grounds for prostitutes? Is this happening because of climate change? No one knows.”

Tyler Cotton, a 19 year old cam girl from Saskatoon, says that she started doing shows for emotional and spiritual validation. “My life feels meaningless,” says Tyler. “Stripping for strangers over the internet helps me remember that I’m alive, that I’m wanted, that I actually matter on some dehumanizing, utterly soul-crushing level. I mean, it’s not the most noble job in the world, but I feel so spiritually and socially impoverished that I’ll take what I can get.”