Doctors are asking ravers not to tan their eyes by staring at the sun after dozens of them have gone blind attempting to bronze their eyeballs. Eye tanning is an internet hoax that originated on raving forums where anti-raver trolls have worked hard convincing gullible party kids that they can bronze their eyes by staring directly at the giant ball of fire floating over us.

“The idea is that thirty minutes of eye tanning will turn your eyes a different colour,” says Dr. Hugo Veugle, an ophthalmologist with the Urban Eye Anatomy Institute of Canada. “Obviously staring at the sun doesn’t change the colour of your eyes. It does, however, cause you to go blind. I’d really appreciate it if ravers stopped believing everything they read on the internet. Don’t stare at the sun. Don’t try to tan your eyeballs. Please, just don’t do it.”

Many ravers are unpersuaded by what the medical community has to say. “Tanning eyeballs is a real thing,” says rave promoter Cecile Sealot. “Those so-called eye doctors are in the pockets of the coloured contact lens industry. They want us to spend our hard earned money buying stupid novelty contacts to change our eye colour when we could just spend half an hour staring at the sun for free. It’s a medical conspiracy. Down with coloured contacts, up with staring at the sun! Eye tanning forever!”